So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
