Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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