i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
