Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
