My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
