Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
