I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
