I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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