Porn is love you can see.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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