Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
