He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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