You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
