i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
