I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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