I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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