so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
