i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
