Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
