Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he thought i was a dude.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
