hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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