Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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