I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
please come you make the beer taste better
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
