I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Who died my cat blue again?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
