There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
