somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
