I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
