The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
