Got a toothbrush?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize