What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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