i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
