Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
