How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
