This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize