Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The Olympian is in my bed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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