I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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