I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
