worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize