he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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