there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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