I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
