he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
