Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
