Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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