ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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