she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
