After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
