I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
