Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
