Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
