i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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