Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
