the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
