Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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