I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You ruined the universe
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