the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize