I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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