You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
