That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
