I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
