I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
