if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
