I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
