I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
