new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
