can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize